I want to walk on stilts...naked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
