Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
