It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
