Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
