He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
