P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
