A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
