So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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