Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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