dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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