Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
