while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
