***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
