We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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