You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
