That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
