what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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