I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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