You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
