There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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