I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
