his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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