chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
