Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
