My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
