ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
