She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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