It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
