3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize