Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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