You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize