I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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