If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I won the penis lottery.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
