worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
