Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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