i permit you to call me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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