Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
