I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
