At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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