What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
