Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
