well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
