Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
