It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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