she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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