sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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