On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you would pick up someone in the library
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
