I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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