i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
