is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
