I am puke
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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