Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize