And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
