Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
