that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
