Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
