No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
