are you so shy because you have an std?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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