we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize