it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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