I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I want is dick and wine.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
