i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
