Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
