Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
