how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
God, I missed his penis.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
