There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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