I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
