i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
