Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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