If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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